I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
