why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
