Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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