I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
