youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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