Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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