yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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