areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
