Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
