Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
false alarm, still single
Randomize
