Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
