please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
