who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
