dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
