I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
