Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
