He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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