I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
