you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
