Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
