Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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