I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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