i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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