I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
