just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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