Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
