If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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