lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
