The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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