I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
