he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
