I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The Olympian is in my bed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
