That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
