when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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