I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Soap is not a condiment
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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