they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
