So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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