I wish my penis had an off switch
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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