Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
