she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
