I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
