your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We have so much sex to catch up on
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
