Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
