a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
