Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
