mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
