it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
