You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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