There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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