He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
