we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
