My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
