Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
