i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
