Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
