so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight