im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know