I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.