I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I touched a dick in church today
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
