He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.