I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize