So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
