The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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