Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
