first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
