I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
