Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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