I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
