Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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