Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
