Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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