Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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