Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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