Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
