Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
no you cant smoke seaweed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
is that a dick in a sweater?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
