If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
